Introduction

This blog is intended to give an occasional update on Joe. Joe was diagnosed with Alzheimer's on Halloween Day, 2005. On Saturday November 5 he moved in with us. The first week was devoted almost entirely to getting some of his financial affairs in order. Everyone needed a copy of the power of attorney to do business with me instead of him. During this time he was not a happy person as he no longer had his car, which I had taken to my son-in-law's house, and he began to feel the real first pinch of his changed life. By the end of the week Jacque and I were at the point of wondering if we had made a horrible mistake. Nothing related to my regular work had been done in the crisis moment of getting him settled in and getting a handle on his finances.

As the weeks have passed the weight of the responsibility began to mushroom. My office was dismantled and became his bedroom. I still don't know where most of my things are that used to be in the office, things I am beginning to need. Then we put in a new bathroom next to the office so he would have his own bath with less worry about his wandering around in the night. (Fortunately, this hasn't happened, but it is coming.) Of course, all this time has been filled with constant complaint and denial of his condition and argument about wanting to drive and go to see Dar in Illinois.

The visiting nurse, a specialist in dementia came and gave him a very thorough follow up exam to what the doctor had given him. She verified the diagnosis and put him at early level 5 on the 7 level scale of Alzheimer's. That means that he can no longer drive, handle his finances or live successfully independently. It has now been a month and one week since he came. Each day is a day to wake up in dreaded anticipation of what he will do today. Some are peaceful, but not many. He still argues about driving, curses the doctor, chafes at the restrictions and blames it mostly on me, the "gestapo" of his life.

This past week we did try a day at adult care, but that was a disaster. He was much more functional than the others and knew it. He felt humiliated and insulted and extra angry. On Friday, yesterday, we took him to the senior citizen center where he could just hang out and play some cards. He liked it better. But, Jacque and I had about 24 hours of things we were behind on and only 4 hours to get it done. No, it didn't get done in 4 hours. Work has been slow where Jacque works and she has gladly taken the days off all week to get some things done, but somehow it never happens. When he is up, he is almost always in need of attention. When he goes to bed, we are too tired to finish the unfinished things.

I have been reading "The 36 Hour Day", a guidebook for primary caregivers of Alzheimer's patients. It has been helpful. One of the best parts is what it tells us to tell all the other people who aren't primary caregivers when they have suggestions. "That's a great idea, when are you going to come and do it?" Since noone but other primary caregivers have a clue what are life has become, suggestions of what we should do are welcome only if the suggester is the one who is going to do it. We'll glady take words of encouragement. Words of criticism will always hurt but will be generally ignored as the words of the ignorant. A day or hour of relief will always be welcome. Mary gave us 4 precious hours last night so Jacque and I could go out and eat and just stay away for 4 hours.

Today is the first day of the blog, and I felt it necessary to give a little background. Today we started on cleaning up after the construction of getting his bathroom in. We laid new carpet, put in a new closet, put the finishing touches on the bathroom. Pete gave us 3 hours of dedicated work to make it possible. Abby kept Dad busy doing a puzzle for almost 3 hours so he would not try to "help". Beginning at 10am we finished at 5pm, and then Pete showed me how to get this blog site set up. So, that brings us up to date. We will get pictures on as soon as we can. We will try to update daily with both events and emotions related to them. Venting may be my only link to sanity. Bear with us and enjoy both the Sunshine and the Shadows of Dad's Descent.
David