This and That

How's it going with your dad is becoming a common greeting. That's fine, since he lives with us and we are concerned daily with his welfare. The only problem with the greeting is that I don't always know what to answer. Do they really want to know. I'd write a book. Do they want the short version. That is easier.

Short version: Up and down. We are reminded by the "experts" and those that write the material on Alzheimer's that the downs will keep getting lower down and the ups will keep getting less high up. So, up and down is relative. Up and down today is different than up and down 2 or 4 or 6 months ago.

What are the big issues this week? Well, he is healed. Ask him and he will tell you. His one prediction for the new year is that everyone will see that he is healed. Jacque asked him how they will see it. Because I am, he said. And so denial continues to dominate his mind over almost anything else. Every day he tells Jacque that the doctor was so wrong in what he said and that the nurse who comes doesn't have a clue. That one thought dominates almost everything he thinks or says. In the middle of totally unrelated conversations he brings it up.

So what? So, because he is healed he can drive again. Live on his own again. Manage his own affairs again. Because he is healed means that not only the doctors and nurses are wrong, but so are Jacque and I and everyone else. Take 40 three year olds whining at you for candy every minute: why not, why not, why not, why not, why not, why not. Babysit them 16 hours a day, every day without end: why not, why not, why not, why not, why not. Now you have an idea of, So What? But it doesn't really scratch the surface of what it is like.

Today he got mad, not a little mad, but angry mad. He was telling David Jr. about the great deal he has on health insurance and how it only costs him $X hundred per month. Then he said that he only had to pay part of that, about $Y hundred per month. I said, yes, Dad, good deal, you only have to pay so much, and I gave the amount which is less than what he was saying. That should have brought a smile, but it didn't. I don't either, he raged, I only have to pay $50 a month. I was stunned and blundered big time. No, I said, as you were telling David Jr. just now, you only have to pay so much per month for your insurance. Then he blew up. I never said any such thing to David just now. I know how much I have to pay. I haven't lost my mind yet. I know that we are not supposed to contradict him, he has his own reality and we have to live in it, but I thought maybe he didn't understand what he had just been saying, so I erred even more and repeated myself. There was no positive point to that as I only too quickly discovered. He hasn't dropped the subject since lunch time.

The teacher in me has got to go. Accuracy is irrelevant. Correctness is immaterial. I have a new book to follow. There are only 3 acceptable responses to an Alzheimer's patient. 1) Yes, Dad 2) ignore what was said completely 3) change the subject. That takes lots of practice. I haven't mastered it yet, but I'm working on it. Jacque, fortuneately is an ace.