It has been a while since we last were here. My bride and I finally got a week of well deserved vacation. The week before that was too hectic to stop and write anything. How has Dad been doing in this time? Well, I came almost to my limit with him two weeks ago. He had become so uncooperative that I felt I had to put him in a home to salvage my own sanity. Too many people see the Alzheimer's patient as the person in need. In reality, the caregiver is the one with the weight of responsibility and care. The patient is really most of the time in their own little world. As one very insensitive person said to me when I said that I might have to put him into a home, "So, you have finally gotten tired of him, huh?" That is how people that need a brain transplant hinder the caregiver's survival.
Our daughter and her husband along with our grandson came to stay with Dad while we were gone for a week. All survived well. Dad had no episodes of disagreeableness that led to problems. He hasn't any since we returned home either. Progress. Unfortunately, it is progress that is measured in terms of his decline, not progress like, "yeah, he has finally learned not to be so difficult." It means that he has mellowed with the disease. Today he came home from the day care center and asked my bride for his money. She looked at him and asked told him kindly that she didn't have any. He said that he wanted $100. She told him again kindly that she didn't have any money. What did he do? Two months ago he would have gone into a rage and swore and ranted and threatened great bodily harm to whoever was stealing his money. He has done that for the 20 months he has lived here. Now, he said, "Oh, but I want some money." To which my bride once again answered that she didn't have any. He shrugged and went to his room. No tantrum. No hours long argument that always repeated the same things. No swearing or threatening great bodily harm. No bringing it up again at supper as a lead in to another endless argument. NO!!! Just a shrug.
He has been that way now for a month on the issue of money. He has completely dropped all the other major issues that use to result in the same horror filled explosion. Now he has just one remaining issue. He still doesn't want to go to day care. That is not an option. It is not an option with us. It is not an option with the Area Agency on Aging which provides medical insurance for him based on his Alzheimer's. No day care, no insurance. When he positively refuses to go to daycare, he will have to go to a nursing home. Why? He needs the insurance coverage for one thing. For the other thing, I can't describe how it was to go on vacation and not have him as my key responsibility each day. I am a lifeguard. It was like coming up from the bottom of the pool with a heavy weight. Your breath is almost all gone and you break the surface of the water and take a gulp of refreshing air. The weight is still there, but you can breathe again and start to resolve the problem again. The first need was air. I got air!!! With air I can work on continuing the care that he needs. I had some sunshine in his descent.
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