It is still the lazy days of summer. Dad is pretty much in a routine. Pretty much meaning that nothing big is happening. He has been grousing a lot lately about having to go to the "place". As I have said before, if he doesn't have something to grouse about, he just isn't a happy man. It is irritating, though, to have him perpetually grouse about this particular thing. He has no options but to go. We have fought over this hill too many times and it is quite wearing to have him go on and on about it. This is the one issue that always becomes the most explosive, the one where he is most likely to sink in his heals and say, " I AM NOT GOING ANYMORE!!!!!" That happened last summer at the end our the vacation that my bride and I finally got to take after giving him 24/7 care for 9 months, and it has happened many times since then.
Now, it is summer time and we would like to go on vacation again. It sounds good in theory, but the fact is that it isn't going to happen. Last year we left him with my brother while we went on vacation. That meant that he got out of sync with his routine. When we got back from vacation he absolutely wouldn't go back to the "place". It took us nine months with many fierce battles to get him back to going 5 days a week as he had been doing. Aside from the visiting nurse, nobody really helped us with those battles. I do not want to have that happen again.
So now we face a "which is worse" situation. Is it worse after 12 months of 24/7 care to not get a vacation, or is it worse to go through what we went through last year. Any care outside the home, even respite care, changes his routine. In home care is not a current possibility. No siblings have risen to the rescue. The schedules of our children no longer allow it. Our youngest has graduated from high school (number one in her class of 400) and is off to college. So, do we grind on and grind down, or do we take a refresher with the known result that it will be harder when we get home than when we left? Do we take him with us and ruin our whole vacation and then still have to deal with him being out of routine when we get back? The questions persist and only those experienced in 24/7 care have a clue how we feel. The upside is that aside from grousing daily about going to that "place", Dad is still seemingly happy in the routine of his life. His is the sunshine in my descent.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I would take the holiday. I did my first respite care in two years earlier this year and it was worth all the associated problems. We have an excellent nursing home that will take temporary 'guests' for a minimum of 10 days at the regular daily rate.
They even did laundry every few days, baths/showers, hair, nails, etc. Might be the best money my mother ever spent for ME. My husband and I enjoyed having our home back and the freedom to come and go as we wished. Yes, when she came home everything was awful - day and night turned around, total confusion and a seeming descent into a new state of the disease. However, in a week, by maintaining a very rigid, normal routine things were better, I was nicer, and still rested. You and your wife NEED time together, alone, even if you don't go far from home.
Post a Comment