This has been a busy month. Christmas alone can make a busy month, but we added the wedding of our daughter into the mix and ramped up busy by quite a bit. How does that effect the mind and life of the Alzheimer's patient? Surprisingly, it hasn't been as hard on him as I expected.
Dad's mind is in its own little world. He is more involved in his fantasies than in the realities around him. That helps to insulate him from the stresses and rush of activity. He never forgot that our daughter's wedding was in December. He might be fuzzy on the day sometimes, but he is fuzzy on a lot of days. He looked forward to attending the wedding and seemed to have a wonderful time while there. He has been a showman, and the attention given to him as the grandfather of the bride suited him fine.
Christmas? He forgot it was Christmas on Christmas. On Christmas morning he was up early and had his coat on to go to daycare. We had assured him the night before that he could sleep in because the center wouldn't be open the next day, but that made no impact. He had looked forward to Christmas, though, and enjoyed the day.
The crowds? Here was a big surprise. He has generally avoided lots of family activities because it is too chaotic for him. This past week has been a big exception. When we got home from the wedding rehearsal dinner he was trying to teach our son-in-law how to play cribbage. Dad was too tired to get anything straight. He counted wrong, counted out of turn, forgot cribs and generally should have been in bed. It was almost two hours later than he would normally be up. He was like a 3 year old who didn't want to miss any of the action. The night after the wedding we were playing a high speed game "Catch Phrase". He had been in his room since supper but came upstairs and sat down. When the phrase was passed by him to the next person he got quite upset. So, the next round the person passed it to him. Dad can read, but he doesn't know what he is reading. His phrase was "white chocolate" and he started in on some rambling story about going down the Ohio river in a steamboat and how that connected to another river and on and on. It was not some personal story about what had happened to him, just a rambling story. On no word or phrase that he saw could he tell what the phrase was. He just continued his rambling story about steamboats. No one expected him to understand the game, but his inability to identify a word by its letters shows decline. In all, though, he had a good time playing and stayed at it until the game broke up. Later that night he came upstairs again and wanted to know if anything else was going on that he could be part of.
His lady friend? He still plans on marrying her. He has agreed to wait two years for her to become a citizen, but he forgets that daily or expects two years to be up by this summer. His stories about her continue to evolve daily. Some days she is married but her husband is still in the old country and doesn't want her anymore. Some days she is single and ready to get married right away. Some days he is very honest and admits that she never talks to him because she knows no English, but he is determined on those days to teach it to her. He even takes a notebook to the center with necessary words - ears, eyes, nose, spoon. In all of it, though, he is still convinced, even on the days that she can't speak English, that she is talking to him and is eager to get married. It has been interesting to watch it all unfold. The best news about it is that he is still happy, he has some sunshine in his descent.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Getting Serious
Well, Dad weathered Thanksgiving fairly well. We had a houseful of people and he interacted a little an spent a lot of time in his room. All in all he seemed to have a good time even if he was overwhelmed by it all.
It is the other part of his social life that is heating up. His "girlfriend" is his number one daily topic. He brought her picture home a week or so ago and has it proudly displayed in his room. Our son and his wife were over for supper and he was telling them all about her. I suggested he go get his picture of her and show them. "What picture?" he asked. I would say, "so much for true love", but even though he can forget the picture prominently on his shelf, he can't seem to forget her. I have to use the word "her" because I have no real idea what her name is. Neither does he.
The other night at church he buttonholed everyone there and told them he was going to get married again. Everyone smiled kindly. None had the audacity to ask her name. He does get a bit testy when pressed for it. It is a fine question to hold in reserve for the times he gets particularly pointed about their upcoming nuptials. He asks what is keeping them from being able to be married. I assure him that when he knows her name it will go a long way to getting the issue resolved. He assures us that he will learn it tomorrow. We can go on like this for a long time. (He has lived with us for two years and doesn't know my bride's name yet. For 30 years of our married life together he knew her name before he got Alzheimer's, but not anymore. I think I am safe with the name thing, right?)
Yesterday, someone, a worker at the adult day care, told him that he couldn't marry her because he has Alzheimer's. As they say in the South, "Them's fightin' words." He came home utterly devastated and angry. He wouldn't even eat supper. It took me and my future son-in-law quite a while to talk him out of that funk. Since in his mind he has no disease or any physical or mental problems that accusation always sends him into an angry fit. That they could even think of saying it, let alone using it as an excuse to keep him from his true love, was just more than he could endure. I have studiously avoided ever telling him he "can't" marry this woman. The fight isn't worth it, but I ended up having to deal with someone else's utter carelessness in this regard.
If others will be careful in dealing with the situation, he will be happy. To enjoy true happiness in life is a great thing. In his descent he has had rare occasions of enjoying it, but this situation has given him some real long term pleasure. It is his sunshine in his descent.
It is the other part of his social life that is heating up. His "girlfriend" is his number one daily topic. He brought her picture home a week or so ago and has it proudly displayed in his room. Our son and his wife were over for supper and he was telling them all about her. I suggested he go get his picture of her and show them. "What picture?" he asked. I would say, "so much for true love", but even though he can forget the picture prominently on his shelf, he can't seem to forget her. I have to use the word "her" because I have no real idea what her name is. Neither does he.
The other night at church he buttonholed everyone there and told them he was going to get married again. Everyone smiled kindly. None had the audacity to ask her name. He does get a bit testy when pressed for it. It is a fine question to hold in reserve for the times he gets particularly pointed about their upcoming nuptials. He asks what is keeping them from being able to be married. I assure him that when he knows her name it will go a long way to getting the issue resolved. He assures us that he will learn it tomorrow. We can go on like this for a long time. (He has lived with us for two years and doesn't know my bride's name yet. For 30 years of our married life together he knew her name before he got Alzheimer's, but not anymore. I think I am safe with the name thing, right?)
Yesterday, someone, a worker at the adult day care, told him that he couldn't marry her because he has Alzheimer's. As they say in the South, "Them's fightin' words." He came home utterly devastated and angry. He wouldn't even eat supper. It took me and my future son-in-law quite a while to talk him out of that funk. Since in his mind he has no disease or any physical or mental problems that accusation always sends him into an angry fit. That they could even think of saying it, let alone using it as an excuse to keep him from his true love, was just more than he could endure. I have studiously avoided ever telling him he "can't" marry this woman. The fight isn't worth it, but I ended up having to deal with someone else's utter carelessness in this regard.
If others will be careful in dealing with the situation, he will be happy. To enjoy true happiness in life is a great thing. In his descent he has had rare occasions of enjoying it, but this situation has given him some real long term pleasure. It is his sunshine in his descent.
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