How's your dad? That is my least favorite question. It always implies in my mind that the asker doesn't know anything about Dad or his disease. Since the answer can never be "better" there are few other options for an answer. He could be the same, but even that is technically not true. He is simply declining. That is the answer, "Declining". How tough can it be for people to figure out that answer? A better question would be, "How does your dad think he is today?" Healed, fine, ready to get a job, ready to get married to a lady whose name he doesn't even know. How does he think he is today? No where close to how he is. He is daily less articulate. He is daily less able to process a conversation of even a few words loudly and slowly spoken.
He is basically stuck in a rut of two avenues of monologue. There is no real dialogue, just his own rambling monologue begun at random and ending at random. He either talks about when he was a boy his grandparents had 14 children and they all got together every Sunday. That avenue is almost daily. When our son in law comes to visit the conversation goes to the war. He does remember, amazingly since he doesn't remember anything else that has happened in the past 20 years, that our son in law is in the service. Therefore, when he shows up the avenue automatically shifts to when he was in the war. Since our son in law usually shows up at mealtime, the avenue of thought is simple. In the war we had good food.
The other day a friend who has come weekly for 2 years to play cards with Dad every Tuesday came to play cards. Dad looked at him without recognition. When I told Dad that he should go get his cards he just stared at me. He was absolutely lost. Finally I went and got his cards because he never processed the simple sentence, "Go get your cards." Four one syllable words. Repeated several times with good volume. He just stared. Yesterday was Tuesday. His friend was here again. After he left I asked Dad who had won? He just stared. I repeated more slowly, "who won the card game?" He just stared. Then he started rambling about something that happened at day care center. He was incoherent so I don't know what he was trying to say. The center was the only piece I picked up. I asked him again, "Who won the card game?" What card game? he wondered with a mutter. "The card game you have been playing at this table." He just stared. The good news was that after the question was repeated one more time, he answered, "He did."
Why is it like this? I think there are thoughts in his mind that he is trying to grab. He can't snatch them from his own mind to speak them clearly. While he is trying to snatch those thoughts from his mind, he can't process at all any other input. His mind is working to get at something that he cannot retrieve. In the process it shuts off all other sensory input. The ears don't hear because the mind is elsewhere. As a result he is becoming increasingly closed off from both himself and others. One bit of good news to conclude. His sister who also suffers from Alzheimer's is finally getting some care. Her caregivers have not been providing any at all for the past 2 or more years. Someone turned them in to DHS. Now they are starting to do something for her. One thing has been to take her to the same adult day care center that Dad attends. She has been there the past 2 days. I hope they keep it up. She needs it (she is at least as far along in the disease as Dad) and he is brightened by her presence.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 01, 2008
It shows more and more
It has been a while, but not for lack of news. In May I received an advanced degree and took my bride on a nice trip to receive the degree at the ceremony. (If I pay for it and work for it, I'm showing up to get it.) My brother kindly took a week plus off of work to stay with Dad. That had not been the original plan, but we have to be flexible. He was supposed to stay in a respite care facility for 10 days while we were gone. Then it was upped to 14 days (not because we were gone that long, just because there was a minimal stay.) Then it was upped to 30 day minimum stay and that seemed like too much. After talking it over with my brother and agreeing that he would never be able to come home after such a long stay, my brother said he would stay with him for the 9 days we were gone. With that resolved we left on the most wonderful vacation we have had in years!
In the days leading up to the trip Dad would ask repeatedly if he could go along. We assured him he would have a better time here than with us. How very very true. We hiked 4 or more miles daily at planned hiking stops along the way. We drove with the windows down and sucked in the beautiful honeysuckle filled southern air. He hates to have the windows down. We could talk to each other and understand the conversation. That was rare. Oh, what a wonderful time alone!! And he did have a good time with his other son. They played cards and went places in the afternoon after adult day care. I am sure he was overjoyed each day to have us gone. But, before the trip when he was asking to go along he was always talking about how proud he was of my graduation. He told people at church. He would beam.
The day after we arrived home we had the pictures of our trip developed. Yes, we still live in the technological stone age. When we brought them home we showed them to Dad. He looked at the graduation pictures and asked, "when did you do that?" I told him, "just last week." "well, I never knew anything about it," he said with chagrin. When I was showing the pictures to some friends two days later, he was captivated by them. He had never seen them before.
That is what we noticed most of all. We have lived with him 24/7 for 2 and 1/2 years. We have grown used to his decline to the point that it often seems normal behavior. We have never had this kind of opportunity to step back and see what is going on. WOW!! His decline was so much more noticeable to us upon our return. I know that I often comment on his decline and how much we notice it. But the truth is that we hadn't noticed the half of it. Perhaps we had even been caught up in some aspects of denial about the real nature of his condition. I don't see a real relevant practical application to this new perspective, but it is eye opening to the degree that it has taken place. The upside, and there is one, is that he had a good time. He may not remember my brother having been here for 9 days, or he may. Choose the moment to ask and take your options from the above choices or others that Dad may create and you will have your answer. Whether he remembers or not, however, is not relevant. At the time my brother was here, Dad was having the time of his life - moment by moment. That is his sunshine in his decline.
In the days leading up to the trip Dad would ask repeatedly if he could go along. We assured him he would have a better time here than with us. How very very true. We hiked 4 or more miles daily at planned hiking stops along the way. We drove with the windows down and sucked in the beautiful honeysuckle filled southern air. He hates to have the windows down. We could talk to each other and understand the conversation. That was rare. Oh, what a wonderful time alone!! And he did have a good time with his other son. They played cards and went places in the afternoon after adult day care. I am sure he was overjoyed each day to have us gone. But, before the trip when he was asking to go along he was always talking about how proud he was of my graduation. He told people at church. He would beam.
The day after we arrived home we had the pictures of our trip developed. Yes, we still live in the technological stone age. When we brought them home we showed them to Dad. He looked at the graduation pictures and asked, "when did you do that?" I told him, "just last week." "well, I never knew anything about it," he said with chagrin. When I was showing the pictures to some friends two days later, he was captivated by them. He had never seen them before.
That is what we noticed most of all. We have lived with him 24/7 for 2 and 1/2 years. We have grown used to his decline to the point that it often seems normal behavior. We have never had this kind of opportunity to step back and see what is going on. WOW!! His decline was so much more noticeable to us upon our return. I know that I often comment on his decline and how much we notice it. But the truth is that we hadn't noticed the half of it. Perhaps we had even been caught up in some aspects of denial about the real nature of his condition. I don't see a real relevant practical application to this new perspective, but it is eye opening to the degree that it has taken place. The upside, and there is one, is that he had a good time. He may not remember my brother having been here for 9 days, or he may. Choose the moment to ask and take your options from the above choices or others that Dad may create and you will have your answer. Whether he remembers or not, however, is not relevant. At the time my brother was here, Dad was having the time of his life - moment by moment. That is his sunshine in his decline.
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