Weathering the Storms

Wow! It's been over a month. That is not exactly because nothing has been happening. I lead this exciting secret double life. Caregiver by evening and doubly employed during the day. If it weren't for my bride, care for Dad would be scarce. Kudos to her for all her hard labor. She is the daily sunshine in his descent. A lot to do in both jobs this summer plus care giving is one of the storms we have had. That is largely our storm, though, and not his.

This summer has seen a great decline in Dad. People at church have noticed it. The visiting nurse has noticed it. Family members have noticed it. Other friends have noticed it. Oh, he does have those amazing days when he is seemingly "all there", but they are like a streak of lightning in a dark night. Lots of momentary dazzle and then greater darkness than before.

The decline here is the mental decline, the lack of ability to perceive his surroundings, communicate, care about his appearance, interact meaningfully, and all that goes with mental decline. What remains is the persistence about getting married to his girl friend, his deep memories of childhood and family, his delight in seeing the great grandchildren come over. He does really enjoy that.

There has been another decline. This has been physical. On my birthday in mid-July he complained of feeling "not well". That is a little vague, but he is a little vague. Sometimes he felt a little dizzy. Others a "bit off in his mind." (I couldn't have agreed with him more!) Then he would feel great again. The spells came and went so fast that I had no clue what to do. Both my brother and sister were here for the day and were equally baffled about a solution. The next day he wouldn't go to church. Kudos here again for my bride. She took him to the emergency room while I took care of responsibilities at church. The emergency room doctor declared him fine, though Dad was outraged that the "_________ dumb doctor couldn't find out why I am sick." He was up and down in his feelings for several days. We took him to the doctor and had the visiting nurse see him twice that week. It is his blood pressure. It is perfectly normal after having been marginally high for years. He feels light headed because he is healthy. Go figure. That was a rather big storm because he couldn't communicate exactly the problem, could not understand at all the doctors' comments, could not remember having seen the doctor and could not accept what we told him about how he was OK. He still feels a little off and we don't know if it is legit or not. Is it serious. Has something else come up in his body. The physical questions are starting to eclipse the mental ones.

Upshot? Recommendations are now coming in from friends, church members (who, of course, are also friends), family and health care providers that it is time to put him in a home. Wow! This is a storm of a different kind. Are they all right? Are we being stubborn in keeping him here? Do we have a better understanding than everyone else? When he first came some people who supervise my work were adamant that I should put him in a home then. They were afraid and have remained afraid that my work would suffer from fulfilling a true family obligation. Their attitude rather inured me from listening to advice from people with other agendas. Then it inured me from listening to advice from people critical to having him in our home period. After a time, perhaps, I have come to the place where I have lost the ability to take another's legitimate perspective on what is best for both us and him. I can hear my supervisors' haughty voices saying, "See we told you this two and a half years ago." I can also hear the comments of others, "Oh, now that it is getting difficult you want to cut and run!! Humph!!" Caught in the middle. Well, I am a tweener. It started as being between the generation still living at home with us (now all married and gone) and having an older generation move in. Now it seems to be between a rock and a hard place in making critical decisions. That is the storm. Dad is oblivious to it as he is now oblivious to most things. It is by all accounts, my call. The weather seems a little rocky with more storms ahead. Stay tuned.