Anniversary

Here it is. Three years ago this week, Halloween day, it all began. Who would have thought what that day would bring. I took my brother to see Dad to go to a scheduled doctor's appointment, one that I had let Dad know about in advance. When we got there he had no idea why we were there or why he was going to the doctor. After a pleasant lunch together at his favorite restaurant, we went to the appointment. Who would have guessed the outcome.

I knew that Dad has Alzheimer's disease. My bride and I had done a lot of study on it over the past 2 years since Dad had called up and told me he had unexpectedly sold his house. Reading about it is one thing. Experiencing it is another. A person can read about war, but unless they have been there, it is only a partial reality. The sights, the sounds, the smells of each encounter, the racing of the heart, the fear, the relief are only half real from literature or the movies. I have come to realize that watching Hogan's Heroes is about as good at preparing someone for prison camp as reading an Alzheimer's book is at preparing someone to take care of an Alzheimer's patient. There is nothing quite like reality.

That was three years ago. Dad is still with us. The original expectation was the he would live in his own rented apartment near us and we would look in on him two or three times a week as needed. We had quickly found an appropriate apartment complex and had the rental forms ready within a week of his arrival. By that time, though, we were getting the first glimmers that reality was not going to match expectation. It was going to be three weeks before he could get into his new apartment and by then it was crystal clear he could never again live on his own. Agenda change. Two months later I sat down with my siblings and asked their ideas. Their ideas were quite clear. Possession is 90% of the law and I already had him, I could keep him. The anticipation was that he would be in a home in less than six months and if there was any money left in his account after I had paid all his overdue bills, I could take my bride out for dinner. Reality check. Agenda change.

Three months ago my bride and I came to the realization that after 2 years and 9 months with us, with rapidly declining overall health and sharp decline in mental acuity, it was time to place Dad in a home. We planned to have all arrangements made and have him placed within three months. Reality check. Agenda change. Dad is still here. Actually he has been a bit more lucid this past week than in the past month. These episodes happen. Alzheimer's is not a straight line from clear to incoherent. A stage that could last for 6 months can also, we have learned, last for 16 months. Within that stage there can be ups and downs that reflect the previous one or more stages and periods that reflect the coming stage or stages. It is not a straight line. Reality check. When I talked with my siblings three years ago, we didn't know that. While they had not read up on the disease, they took my word for it and my word came from the literature which hadn't exactly explained all of it. Reality check.

So here we are. 3 years later and light years wiser. We have no idea what to expect tomorrow so we go with the flow today. That is the reality. Dad is here and we work to make sure that each of his todays, which he can't remember tomorrow, are as satisfactory as we can make them. Happy anniversary. I don't think we will throw a party.