I think we have been here before. NO! I won't go there again. Those people have problems and I don't want to be around people who don't know what they are doing! We have tried to point out that he is a volunteer but that hasn't changed his attitude. We have tried to remind him of the fun he had said he was having, but that hasn't changed his attitude. Now that he can't go to the senior center and won't go to "volunteer" at the adult day care center, he is back home with us 24/7 again.
This time it has about broken the bank of reserve strength. Jac and I have about run out of steam. We had been so happy to have him go someplace twice a week. Now he is back and grumpier than ever.
At the end of breakfast dishes he gets out the cribbage board and cards. Jac no longer sits with him to play in the morning. He is frustrated and goes to his room. Jac tries to get things done around the house but feels guilty about putting him off. After lunch out comes the board and cards again. Frustration again for both. Someone who doesnt' understand what is going on with him suggested we make a schedule so he will know when he can play and when he can't. I think I wrote something about suggestions in this spot a month or so ago. They are about as welcome as a bad case of the flu. The follow up question always get around to, have you tried my suggestion yet? Only more frustration for more people. Schedules are about as effective for an alzheimer's patient as for a 2 month old child. They set their own. Period. Now, if all those with suggestions would just change their suggestion to "can I come and take your dad for a day?" I would change my opinions about suggestions. I might even smile broadly, laugh hilariously or something roughly akin to that.
How about a nursing home others have asked. Right now he is pretty aware and alert about 3 days a week. I mean that on those days it would take some time with him to see any signs of the disease. Other days it takes just long enough for him to open his mouth, or it takes just a few minutes watching him go through the motions of the day to see it clearly. He isn't physically violent, he doesn't wander from the home and he doesn't soil himself. A home seems to me a bit over the top at the present. I just keep reminding myself that others are doing this and we can too. Others remind us also that they know what we are going through, they share their own experiences (often much worse than ours) and that really helps the day along.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
Back in the Saddle
His cold is over and he is back in the saddle again. More like back on his high horse again, but more about that after bit. He made it to his volunteering both days this past week. Beginning tomorrow he will ride the bus both ways, not just home. Is there an advantage to that? Two more hours of available time twice a week. We usually drive him over at 10, but the bus will pick him up at 8. We won't have to have two cars available on those days so that will also help. Is everybody happy, well, I should say not.
That high horse has been bucking a lot. I know that he generally can't remember tomorrow what is said today, but he is actually surprising about that sometimes. If it is bad he usually does remember it. Neutral or good information is easily lost. What category to place our converstations a few weeks ago into is perhaps difficult. He is arguing again about tuning pianos. Did he forget that it is over, not exactly, he simply says it never was just because he had not talked about it for a week or so. Did he forget that he can't have his own apartment alone in Chicago? Yes. Score one for forgetting the bad news. That may be a first. The downside, I had to tell him again and go through his anger all over again. A lot of anger.
Other bad news he forgot was that he couldn't go to the senior center anymore without a companion. The visiting nurse had told him that 2 weeks ago. He forgot. Since it was bad news and he likes to harbor bad news, I was surprised. Down side. Angry about that all over again as well. The upside had been in effect for 2 whole weeks. He thought that he was playing the piano at the one place on the same day that he used to play cards at the other. Therefore he was accepting the fact that he couldn't go play cards. For a flash in his mind he somehow remembered and BOOM. But after the blow up he has forgotten again. Upside for a while.
There is one ride I always avoid at the amusement park, the roller coaster. The anticipation of the drop bothers me more than the ride. That may be the hardest daily part of the care for Dad. There is always the anticipation of his next big blowup. The ride is getting faster, the drops (blowups) bigger. The anticipation of what he may decide to do to get his own way becomes more accute as he becomes unhappier with the realities of what is happening to his life. At some point he will progressively cease to care and the ride will come to a stop. But that is a ways away.
That high horse has been bucking a lot. I know that he generally can't remember tomorrow what is said today, but he is actually surprising about that sometimes. If it is bad he usually does remember it. Neutral or good information is easily lost. What category to place our converstations a few weeks ago into is perhaps difficult. He is arguing again about tuning pianos. Did he forget that it is over, not exactly, he simply says it never was just because he had not talked about it for a week or so. Did he forget that he can't have his own apartment alone in Chicago? Yes. Score one for forgetting the bad news. That may be a first. The downside, I had to tell him again and go through his anger all over again. A lot of anger.
Other bad news he forgot was that he couldn't go to the senior center anymore without a companion. The visiting nurse had told him that 2 weeks ago. He forgot. Since it was bad news and he likes to harbor bad news, I was surprised. Down side. Angry about that all over again as well. The upside had been in effect for 2 whole weeks. He thought that he was playing the piano at the one place on the same day that he used to play cards at the other. Therefore he was accepting the fact that he couldn't go play cards. For a flash in his mind he somehow remembered and BOOM. But after the blow up he has forgotten again. Upside for a while.
There is one ride I always avoid at the amusement park, the roller coaster. The anticipation of the drop bothers me more than the ride. That may be the hardest daily part of the care for Dad. There is always the anticipation of his next big blowup. The ride is getting faster, the drops (blowups) bigger. The anticipation of what he may decide to do to get his own way becomes more accute as he becomes unhappier with the realities of what is happening to his life. At some point he will progressively cease to care and the ride will come to a stop. But that is a ways away.
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