Oh NO! Not again!

Wow! It has been almost a month since my last post. Who knew? Not me. I think of things to say almost daily. Interesting things happen about that often. But, I guess I don't write them here because it has been a month.

Well, Dad had a new battery put in his pacemaker. My bride was with him all day at the hospital from 6am to 5pm. Having Dad wouldn't be possible without her. Someone has to go out into the wicked old world and earn our keep. Actually, I think it is the easier job to watching Dad. What made the event so interesting was that there was really SOMETHING in the meds they gave him to do the surgery. When he came out of surgery he was more alert than at any time in the past 3 months. That may have something to do with the fact that his blood pressure shot back up to 179 over 110. While that sounds absolutely terrible to me, the doctor seemed unconcerned. Then again it may not have had anything to do with his blood pressure and only with the meds. Anyway he was alert, very, very alert. He was volatile and angry and argumentative just like 2 years ago. It was unpleasant to take that trip down memory lane.

The first thought I had was, "Oh, no!! If he stays like this he will fight us tooth and nail when it comes time to go into a home." No, I didn't think about keeping him longer. His relapse was harder on us than his recent decline. We have put up with such abuse from him in the past when we still had some stamina left. That kind of abuse now when our stamina is all gone was a little over the top. NO, A lot over the top. No, he wasn't better or getting better. He has Alzheimer's disease and won't get better. But if the spike in alertness lasted we would be facing some really challenging days and bigger decisions about his care. Would we keep him longer to postpone the fight over a nursing home? We would both have mental breakdowns before the weekend was over? Would we place him in a home sooner, any home, to stave off that breakdown? Yes, the line is now very taut. I wanted to give him to my brother for his birthday, I really, really did, but he said he wouldn't take him anyway, so that was out. What to do about Dad?

Good news, the meds or whatever wore off in two days. He no longer remembers being in the hospital. He is back to near incoherence. He is back to placidity. The rope is a little less taut and we can breathe. I assure everyone who is on the sidelines wondering about my attitude that unless they have lived in the same house for 3 years with an Alzheimer's patient who has run the gamut from violently abusive to babblingly repetitious, they had better not make a comment or judgment at all. To anyone who thinks we should just dig deeper for more strenght, please take him for a month while my bride and I try to find where deeper is?

What about the nursing home wait? We are still waiting. Right now it doesn't seem he will make it there by the first of November. That was supposed to be a birthday gift to my bride. Anyway, with that realization in mind we are ready to stay the course as long at it requires. There must be strength there somewhere. My bride and I have talked about it and that is just the way things are and that is just how life is. Thank God there is a God, and He will be with us through this today, tomorrow and as long as it takes. That is our sunhine in Dad's descent.